The Sad Death of Latex

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I’ll be honest with you. I’m a normal guy with conventional tastes. I love b**bs, I adore cleavages, and I consider latex bodysuits with an adulation that most textbooks of spirituality ( Including and especially the Fifty Shades Trilogy) would instantly brand sinful. Having said that, for God’s sake man, that is ridiculous! I mean what is that?

For the enlightenment of the average clueless reader ( that means You! ), that is supposed to be Kangana Ranaut in her upcoming flick “Krrish 3”. Now, at this point a lot of you might be scratching your heads and wondering the same thing that I did: Was there a Krrish 2? No, there wasn’t. I’m not sure why. It is well-known the Director-Producer RRRakesh RRRoshan has a thing for numbers and repetitions of the letter R and starting everything with the letter K, maybe he knows something we don’t.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. That thing in that suit. The news article I stumbled on describes it as Kangana’s “uber-chic look” which is a “cross between anime and sci-fi.” I’m sorry. The only objective I’m willing to put after “uber” to describe that look is “dumb”. And no, it doesn’t look anything like a cross between anime and sci-fi. If anything, it looks suspiciously like a cross between a cat having a bad hair day and a struggling porn actress auditioning for a bondage themed movie.  Seriously, that thing looks ridiculous.

I know, some of you might be inclined to think that the look is sexy. With all due respect, I think you are focusing on, ahem, a specific part of the lady, not the entire picture. So far as the specific part is concerned, I’m a little confused. Isn’t this supposed to be a children’s movie?

The dress, if you can call it that, has been created by designer Gavin Miguel, who took no less than 45 days to come up with it. Our beloved Kangana then had to shed 4 kgs. and endure several “oiling sessions” ( stop dreaming boys! ) so that she could get into that thing. For starters, that has to be the worst reason for losing weight that I have ever heard. Kangana adds that they wanted a look that nobody in Bollywood has done before. Well, congratulations! You succeeded. By the way, Manmohan Desai must have had the same thought when he made Dharam-Veer back in 1977, for he came up with this.

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Look Ma! Nobody’s done this before!

To wrap things up, I’m sure the movie will be a hit. If Chennai Express can make record collections in the box-office, if Pappu can be seriously considered as our next prime minister, that seems like a foregone conclusion. I’m  not bothered by the film’s quality, or potential success. Having grown up in India, shitty movies are weekly occurrences for me.

My  complaint with the movie in general and that dress in particular is on a personal level: latex bodysuits will never be the same for me again.

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