I am going to call a press conference next week. There’s something I have to tell that I believe the whole country should know. Since you’ve nothing better to do than reading my blog, I’ll let you in on the scoop. You see, the news is that I haven’t yet decided whether I would be pursuing a career in classical music, or if it would be a better service to humanity if I turn marriage counsellor to Tiger Woods.
You don’t think that’s a good idea? Why not, may I ask? After all, Pappu ki Maa ki party does it once every three months or so, i.e, each time they remember that they still don’t have a clue what to do with him. Now I have to admit that I am not as eminently qualified as Pappu. After all, they didn’t let me into IIM-Ahmedabad because I could ride a bicycle. Neither could I complete an M.Phil Degree despite flunking one of the four papers, and most importantly, I have never studied in two colleges at the same time. But then, Pappu is special. After all, as one eminent member of his maa ki party has recently suggested, Pappu is a person the nation’s youth identifies and empathises with. Now I mean no disrespect, but I’d identify better with a Humpback Whale and empathise more sincerely with Sunny Leone in the middle of a gangbang, any day of the week.
In case I’ve given you the idea that I don’t particularly like Pappu, I can assure you that is not the case. Pappu has always had my sympathies. Like I’ve said before, any poor guy who has billions stashed away in Swiss bank accounts, and yet, cannot afford a decent shave once a week will always have my sympathies. As Feku would’ve said, it is a natural human emotion to feel sorry when you observe a chicken being converted into a murg-musallam(oh brother, that’s so the wrong word to use when talking about Feku, isn’t it?). Besides, look at Pappu’s career graph. That he has never achieved anything is beside the point. If you just look at the injustice that has been done to him all along, it’ll break your heart too. I mean, consider yourself in his position for a moment. There you are, cruising the idyllic backwaters of Kerala(wait, or was it France?) with your Spanish(wait, or was it Columbian? or Afghan?) girlfriend Veronique (wait, or was it Juanita? or..oh for God’s sake) and her parents. Here I will try and fail not to ask the obvious question. Why exactly would you want your future in-laws present on such a trip? Anyways, like I was saying, there you are, cruising the idyllic backwaters of wherever, with your girlfriend named whatever and of whatever origin, when this middle-aged bloke climbs into the boat out of nowhere, and jumps at your feet. After a moment of considerable alarm, you recognise him.
“Tewari uncle? what the heck are you doing here?” You ask.
“Oh Pappu beta, you have just been elected vice-president of your maa ki party. You’re part of the trinity now. I just wanted to be the first to offer my respects.”
You have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about.
“Trinity? As in The Matrix? As in my college? What are you talking about??” you ask.
“No, no beta. Trinity as in your pyaari Maa, Dr. MMS, and you? Wouldn’t that be something? Together, we’ll show Feku who should wear Hush Puppies.”
At the mention of Dr. MMS, at first you automatically blurt out,”Theek Hai.”
A moment later, another realisation dawns.
“But, but..I had not even applied for the post.” You protest.
At this, Tewari uncle smiles benevolently and indulgently.
“Oh come on beta, you never went to Harvard either, did you? Don’t you worry. Your Maa ki party single-handedly won India her freedom. Compared to that, this is child’s play.”
At this point you’d feel relieved and reassured, wouldn’t you? I’m assuming Pappu did too.
Now imagine Pappu’s consternation and humiliation when some other honcho from Pappu ki Maa ki party suddenly announces to the media that they still haven’t figured out what to do with him.
So I thought I’d catch up with Pappu, try to talk to him. Maybe, I thought, it would make him feel better. It didn’t. He was very depressed. Apparently, he had taken the last ever telegram being sent to him as a symbol.
“Yaar,” He lamented, “I went to see MMS uncle to ask about my career. I don’t know what’s wrong with this guy. No matter what I asked, he just smiled and said “Theek Hai.” I tell you, it was frustrating as hell.”
He must know his own strength and weaknesses..I begun.
“I don’t know.” He cut me off. “Confusion is in my shirt, my pant…”
But he must have some idea of what he wants to do, I persisted.
“Let me put that question back to you. Do YOU have any idea what I want to do?” He asked.
“Er..no, I don’t. So, at this point what do you think your future looks like?”
Absently Pappu showed me the paper he had been doodling on..
- Pappu Ki Maa (thecleverdog.wordpress.com)