Pappu Ki Maa

Pappu ki Maa is furious!

Truth be told, she has every reason to be. Everybody is suddenly clamoring about how Pappu was in Sweden during the last couple of weeks, instead of rescuing people from a flood-hit Uttarakhand. As if her beloved son’s birthday trending as #PappuDiwas on Twitter wasn’t bad enough. To add insult to injury, the traitorous media is also claiming that that rogue Feku has single-handedly managed to rescue no less than 15000 people of his state from the flood-hit areas. Now, I would have loved to talk about the exploits of Feku. However,  calculating how two Boeing planes evacuated 15000 people in two days would require a brain worthy of Einstein, or an algorithm worthy of Google. I have neither. So lets get back to Pappu.

Seriously, what is it about us Indians, that we always, always, fail to pay the proper respect to the highborns and the demigods? Look at Baba Ramdev. The guy initially did things with his belly that would make Shakira develop a serious inferiority complex. Then he displayed a streak of patriotism that even the Mahatma would have been proud of. And what did we do? Instead of kneeling and worshipping, we laughed him out of the TV studios.

That’s right folks. We are an ungrateful bunch. One wonders how we’ve remembered our national heroes like Bhagat Singh, Netaji and Rani ki Jhansi, er…Jhansi ki Rani. Wait, haven’t I heard that before?

Anyways, let’s get back to Pappu. After all, Pappu ki Maa doesn’t like attention diverted from Pappu. In fact, she does everything in her power to ensure that her beloved Pappu stays in the spotlight. Ask Pranab Mukherjee, he will tell you.

The sad truth is, poor Pappu has never been appreciated fully. For example, remember that industry meet where Pappu sagely remarked that in 1991, when he was in the University, nobody knew about India?

Instead of turning away from the telly in unbearable shame, people were actually sniggering and wondering whether Pappu had actually attended University at all.

It doesn’t end there. In the same meet, Pappu offered more pearls of wisdom. Like this one, “One of the biggest problems poor people have is of identification. If you go to a village, village knows each other, everybody in the village knows each other. When the villager leaves the village, he loses all that information and nobody else has it. So a lot of the ideas that we have are designed to support this movement and make it smoother and more comfortable for people who are going to move.”

Never mind whether even Shakespeare would have understood that. As ordinary mortal men, it was our job to nod acceptance and obedience. Instead, we were laughing our asses off. You tell me, wouldn’t you have been frustrated, had you been Pappu?

Also, do consider that whenever there is a national issue, the media, the opposition, the common man, everyone is concerned about what Pappu has to say about this, where does Pappu stand on that.

Well, I feel sorry for Pappu. It’s really not his fault. It’s theirs. They somehow forget that apart from Pappu ki Maa ki party’s standard “We’ll do everything/We’ve been doing everything” rhetoric, Pappu has never, ever, taken a stand on ANY issue. Pappu has never ventured any opinion on statecraft, economy, diplomacy, development (again, except the standard “We’re the ones who taught Yoga to Baba Ramdev and confidentiality to Ed Snowden), Sharukh’s six pack or Vidya Balan‘s dress sense.

And yet, they criticise Pappu for everything. They question everything Pappu does. Why is Pappu not married? (Seriously, have some respect for Indian women. Who is going to marry him for God’s sake, Poonam Pandey?) Why did Pappu fail in his exams? How did Pappu get into St. Stephens? What does Pappu think of Feku? Who exactly was it that Pappu was talking about in his speech, a carpenter or a painter? What exactly is a Rani ki Jhansi?

And the most ludicrous : How much money does Pappu have in his Swiss Bank account? For God’s sake man, in case you haven’t noticed yet, Pappu ki Maa doesn’t even give him enough pocket money for a decent shave. Give Pappu a break, will you? He is not very harmful. He’s just ignorant. In fact, he does occasionally grace us with bits of wisdom. Like comparing India to a beehive. Who would have thought of such an apt comparison? Aristotle? Plato? Nicky Minaj? No. Only Pappu. Considering his wisdom at such a tender age, you could actually forgive the fact that he kinda missed a key point or two.

Yes Pappu. Let me apologise for all these ignorant folks. They’re stupid. You’re magnificent.

What? Why do they not let you carry on with all your abysmal ignorance and complete lack of purpose?

Um, well…here’s the thing about beehives Pappu.

Bees sting, and bad.

Teri Maa ki kasam.


One thought on “Pappu Ki Maa

  1. Pingback: Pappu Ka Future | The Clever Dog

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