International Relations & the Frying Pan

Let me ask you something. If, one fine morning, your neighbour comes into your house with a gun, pitches a tent in your lawn and then starts acting like he owns the place, what would you do? You’d probably hit him over the head with a frying pan and/or get your dog to bite his ass off. Depending on how violent or patient you are, you might also shoot him, or, who knows, call the cops. What you would NOT do, is to announce in the neighborhood that you are not willing to destroy the “beautiful and productive relationship” you and that neighbour have built up over the years over such a minor issue. You would NOT leave him in your house in peace and then go to his house begging for a meeting with his family so that you can just talk about this without aiming to arrive at any solutions. How am I doing so far? Making sense? Thank you.

So, why don’t we do something similar when the same thing happens on a bigger level? Yes, this is about the latest Chinese incursion. And yes, if you feel you’ve already had your fill on this from newspapers and TV channels, Go Away! Assuming you’re staying, note the word “latest”. Yes, they’ve been doing it for a while now, and we’ve done precious nothing in return. For the uninitiated,  on 15th April, a platoon of troops from the PLA crossed into Indian territory in Ladakh as far as 18 kms inside the Line of Actual Control, which, incidentally is well inside the perceived international border. So far, they’ve stayed there without showing the least inclination towards leaving anytime soon. The media continues to delight us with precious details about them every day. The latest being that they have now erected a fifth tent ( this matters a lot, of course) and that they now have deployed dogs (don’t even get me started on the strategic and tactical implications of deploying dogs).

Our political leadership, have joined in, offering shiny pearls of wisdom. That this is a local affair. That it can be resolved on a tactical level. That the ITBP should be put under the operational command of the Army (will somebody please tell me what that has to do with anything? ) That this should not undermine the years of fruitful dialogue the two countries have been having (yes, you can see just how fruitful.) and so on.. Now, I’m not a strategist, or one of those National Security Experts, nor an International Relations student either. I’m just a dog, if you recall. And if there’s one thing I’ve always known, it is that if you give away at the beginning of a fight that you’re afraid, you’ve already lost that fight. I have a better policy in mind : Use that frying pan.

Of course, there are people who say that International relations are not that simple. I respectfully disagree. There are complicated issues is global politics. Like what supporting a ban against Iran would do to our oil supply, or how to do the balancing act between Israel and Palestine. This is different. This is simple. This is also, forgive me, cowardice. What is more, this shows how little faith the leaders have in our armed forces. May I ask why? Have the Indian Army, Navy or Airforce ever, in the last 60-odd years, failed to live up to the mark?  They deserve at the very least a little more respect, faith and yes, freedom.

Sure, we cannot win a full-scale war with China. But do we really think they would be willing to go to a full-scale war over a few kilometers in the Ladakh border? Why is everyone pretending that we have everything to lose by confronting them, and they don’t?

If this happened in my house, I’d do precisely what I outlined in the beginning. I’d do what any sane and decent man would do. I’d be jumping at this intruder, aiming to bite a fair chunk his ass off, and I’m sure the owner of the house (that lazy, delightful but completely insane human who loves me to bits) would be at my side, wielding with untamed violence whatever he can lay his hands on.

I say we do the same here. Let’s get that frying pan and go a few rounds. Let’s protect our home first. We’ll count the bodies later.


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