The Man of Steel and His Troubled Childhood

man-of-steel-poster

It has been a few days since the release of “Man Of Steel“, that loud and lengthy “How-to-destroy-a-building-by-throwing-people-at-it” instruction video. Various pundits and fans are still debating how the generous and compassionate superhero of the 70s turned into this grim and sulking, humorless and violent creature.

Well folks, I’m not surprised. The poor guy has had to suffer not one but two fathers who, well, suck. Add to that the fact that the guy is a walking, er..flying, if you will, identity crisis. When you take that into consideration, that sort of emotional trauma is not just predictable, its bloody well inevitable.

Dump him, Honey. He'll be a God

Dump him, Honey. He’ll be a God.

Let’s take the Kryptonian father first, Jor-El. Sure, Russell Crowe puts up a superb performance in the movie. His portrayal of the noble-hearted scientist is both poignant and  sombre. Its his actions that gives me the creeps. A father uploading the contents of a burnt and blackened skull into his newborn baby? Seriously? And by the way, why the heck is the codex a skull? I mean, its supposed to contain data, and a lot of it. Don’t you think the Kryptonians, even with their serious fascination with animated pin-cushions, would have picked something a little more, uh, sensible? Also, could someone please tell me why exactly a child’s parents would be hell-bent on sending their child alone to a different planet? With all his expertise, couldn’t the father have built a slightly larger ship? To send his mother along at least? Besides, what was all that about their son being a “God” to the residents of this lucky planet? Is it just me, or did anybody else smell imperial ambitions or dumb religious symbolism?

Son, you Gotta Let People Die.

Son, you gotta let people die.

Anyways, let’s head back to Earth. Here, Kevin Costner plays the familiar Jonathan Kent. He….is a psycho, and a morbid one at that. Picture this, when young Clark Kent saves a bus-full of school children from drowning, his father tells him he should have let them die! But never fear. Our young boy learns his lesson well. So well, in fact, that some time later he just stands and watches as father dear is whisked away by a rather selective hurricane. If that alone isn’t proof of irreversible childhood trauma, I don’t know what is. Jonathan Kent isn’t just about homicidal and suicidal instincts though. He also has a mania for secrecy and paranoia that any Cold-War era  CIA agent would have been proud of. “Hide, hide, hide.” Seems to be his mantra for his extraterrestrial son. “Everybody will hate you, everybody will fear you, everybody will turn on you, everybody will persecute you.” I mean, Jeez! Who does he think his son is, Justin Bieber?

To add insult to all these injuries, the poor guy doesn’t even get called Superman in the entire movie. Well, not properly at least. Ka-El, the alien, Kal..I mean a guy needs a minimum respect, doesn’t he? Even that very obvious “S” on his chest, we’re told, is not an S. It apparently means “Hope”. Kryptonians sure use a complicated alphabet, if you ask me. Anyways, Add to these the fact his Kryptonian father wanted him to be a God, a sign of hope, the last of a planet, the saviour of a race; and his terrestrial father taught him to be a murderer, a thief, a weakling and a lamppost.

Well, what can I say. I almost feel sorry for you, you poor man of steel. I wish you were a little more flesh and blood. As for the troubled childhood, maybe you can ask Britney Spears or Justin Bieber for advice.

p.s : Almost forgot. Wish those two a belated “happy father’s day” for me, will you Kal-El? What? Er…no, I don’t know where mom is, sorry.

Hey Kid! You're so messed up.

Hey Kid! You’re so messed up.

4 thoughts on “The Man of Steel and His Troubled Childhood

  1. I mean seriously … to save 4 guys he destroyed millions … the city practically turned into Krypton by the amount of unnecessary damages done by the man of steel …. and the movie was sooo humorless that the best jokes seems to be “who ???….. superman!! ” (I heard a few giggles when this was said) ….. nothing better turned up even after he learned to wear his underwear inside :(

    • i don’t know why hollywood filmmakers are suddenly obsessed with the idea of making “different” movies. a james bond film thats not like james bond, an iron man film thats not like iron man, a superman movie thats not like superman. wtf! not everybody is nolan. and speaking of nolan, i wonder why he let zack snyder direct this movie.

  2. Pingback: Why Superman Cannot Stay in India | The Clever Dog

  3. Pingback: Film Review : Pacific Rim | The Clever Dog

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